What We Talkin' About

Yeah This Is Awesome.

2010-08-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

I’m doing a West Coast trip and have been performing in Los Angeles for about a week now. This is my favorite poster that I have ever been on.

Contracts! Cloverfield! Predators! Oh My!!!

2010-07-09T10:16:00.000-07:00

So Lebron is getting his paper. In sunny Miami. Good for him. I hope this means we're done hearing about salaries and contracts. Tomorrow I will make my announcement as to why I chose to continue working in a mail room and not sign with the Miami Heat.

It's a good thing we comedians don't get offered multi-million dollar contracts. I'd make crazy ridiculous demands. Actually I don't think they're crazy at all:

I want to be followed by the Earth, Wind, and Fire rhythm section everywhere I go.
I want a phone call once a week at the times I decide, preferably between the hours of midnight and 3am from President Barack Obama where he says, "Ricky. This is President Barack Obama. I just want you to know that I and the great citizens of this nation think, know, and believe that you indeed are the shit and your kung fu is the best."
Every day I get to choose one person who has to dress up like Snake Plissken.
I want everyone to wear purple on Tuesdays.
I want AIDS cured right now.

Oh that last one is ridiculous? You'll dress up like Snake Plissken with a purple eye patch while I get a call from the President of the United States of America during my Earth, Wind, and Fire Logan Square block party that I've invited you to but that's ridiculous! NEW CONTRACT!!!

Was everyone so caught up in the Lebron story that no one mentioned the Cloverfield monster returned to attack New York City this morning?

Real talk people. My biggest concern of the weekend? Will Predators be any good? I hope so. When footage first popped up online I was intrigued. Now that it's here I'm nervous. I mean it's a Predator movie. You've got responsibilities now. You've got something to live up to. The original is....well.....its fucking Predator. That movie is a muscle. It's an actual fucking bicep of a movie. That movie should only be sold in Best Buys and the frozen meat section of butcher shops. Prime rib, t-bone steaks, BAM! PREDATOR. Covered in steak. Wrapped with a bow tie of bacon. And then a constant lit cigar hanging off it. That movie is made for men. It stars men, a woman, and machinery. Not necessarily in that order. I’m gonna tell you the three best things about that movie.

Number III:
Arnold Schwarzenegger. The first time you see Schwarzenegger all you see is a muscular shadow with the glowing flame of a cigar as an outline. He’s the star and so is every line he says. It’s Shakespeare on steroids. "If it bleeds, we can kill it.” “Get to the chopper now!" "Kill me! I'm here. Come on do it!" But I don't like to get caught up on the Schwarzenegger quotes. They're like the Led Zeppelin "Stairway To Heaven" of the movie. Everybody knows them and says them to death.

Number II:
Bill Duke. You don’t know who Bill Duke is? If you needed a black man to sweat in your movie between the years 1985-1989 you got

Bill Duke!

The first time you see Bill Duke in the movie he's getting off a helicopter. They’re in the middle of the jungle. He’s wearing a 3 piece suit! I’m convinced that if they would have formally offered him the mission they‘d say. “We need you to go kill an alien.” His only question would be, “Is there a dress code?” I met Bill Duke once in downtown Chicago. He was dry as a rock. I said, “Hey aren’t you Bill Duke?” He said, “Yeah.” Poooooosh! Starts pouring sweat. Then he started shaving, no beard.

Number I:
Now you're gonna add Carl Weathers to the mix. Bill Duke and Carl Weathers. I haven’t been that excited about two Black men working together on a movie since Billy Dee Williams and Prince in Batman. Carl Weathers! The first time Carl Weathers and Arnold Schwarzenegger reunite and shake hands in the movie the frame is filled with so much muscle that your TV actually whimpers and lets out a small cry.

We know he’s Apollo Creed. He’s Action Jackson. And he’s a damn good acting coach who can make you a good stew. Now you would think if Carl Weathers were to lose an arm as he does in Predator that the impact would be gone right? Helllllllllllllllllll no! That arm is so goddamn strong it still has the strength to shoot that machine gun. His name in the credits at the end of the movie should have read Carl One-Arm-Sweat-Glistening-Blood-Spurting-Still-Peeling-Caps-While-It-Lies-On-The-Jungle-Ground-With-A-Rapid-Fire-Machine-Gun Weathers.

Alright I gotta get outta here. I'm gonna go have me some fun....I'm gonna have me some fun...I'm gonna have me some fun.

Hey Have You Seen The Let Me In Trailer?

2010-07-05T10:33:00.001-07:00

"Let The Right One In" I liked. "Let Me In" I hope I like. "Twilight" movies please go away.

NERDGASM!

2010-07-05T10:26:00.001-07:00

Comedy At The Mette

2010-07-05T09:56:00.000-07:00

Waddup peoples! I'm hosting an awesome show Saturday July 10th at the Wilmette Theater. Cameron Esposito is headlining and James Fritz is featuring. Showtime is 9:30pm. Get all ticket information right here.

Louis C.K.

2010-07-04T10:56:00.000-07:00

Here's a great Louis C.K. interview:

Today's Soundtrack....

2010-07-03T10:41:00.000-07:00

Today's soundtrack is for all you International Players.

Hey Have You Seen The New Mortal Kombat: Rebirth Trailer?

2010-06-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

First thing I should say is that this isn't a trailer to a new Mortal Kombat movie. There is not a new Mortal Kombat movie being made.........yet. However there has been a lot of positive feedback to this teaser called Mortal Kombat: Rebirth that it may happen at some point in the near future. This is a teaser/visual pitch to Warner Bros. by a director named Kevin Tancharoen who wants to make a new Mortal Kombat movie.

The first time I saw it I didn't have an all out nerd-gasm but I definitely had to readjust my Green Lantern underwear. What will probably stick out to you the most after you watch this is that they're going for a more realistic approach. Apparently we had a bit of a problem believing this before:

That's Christopher Lambert as Raiden from the original Mortal Kombat movie. I believe that picture was taken at a HotShots Hot Spot Photo Shop in a Waukegan strip mall.

No the new Mortal Kombat characters are going to be looking like this:

That's Reptile. Go ahead and mention to him that he got some shit on his face. Let me know how that works out for you.

Real quick, the problems that I did have with this teaser are pretty small. The recognizable actors, Michael Jai White aka Jax (aka Black Dynamite!), don't do any fighting onscreen. I have no idea who the actors are who are playing Johnny Cage, Scorpion, and Baraka so I don't know if they can actually act. They look like they can whoop that ass though. My biggest complaint is that I'm really not crazy about *Baraka's look.

Baraka looks like a cross between Lil' Wayne, and....well shit Lil' Wayne. Don't believe me?

But those are things I can let slide. If this is the direction that they're going to take a new Mortal Kombat movie than I'm in. I'll make sure to buy more Green Lantern underwear to prepare myself. What say you?

You can read an interview with the director of the teaser here where he explains how he would handle the new Mortal Kombat film.

*You can also really impress me by coming up with a Halloween Baraka Obama costume.

Iphone, therefore I blah blah blah.

2010-06-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

The following are my set of questions that I was going to ask Steve Jobs at the unveiling of the new Iphone at the Worldwide Developers Conference being held yesterday in San Francisco. Shortly thereafter I realized I did not have the opportunity nor was I invited nor did I intend to be at the unveiling of the new Iphone at the Worldwide Developers Conference being held yesterday in San Francisco.

Nonetheless here are the questions:

Now just to confirm it is a phone correct?

Hey Coldblood, Monday mornings are a motherfucker am I right?

Are all of the numbers on the keypad the same as the previous version or did you make some new numbers up for this go around?

Yes but can it pay my rent? Can I hump it?

Is it true your middle name is "I Don't Need No"?

Follow up question to the numbers keypad question: Are the numbers in the same order as well?

How often do you get together with other CEO's and say, "Man this BP CEO's a real dumb ass, am I right folks!"

Did you see the ending of LOST? That shit was crazy?

You ever consider an "app" called "Snapps!" and it just talks about how your momma be tripping? No not my mom your mom.

Is it true your middle name is "Fuck All Y'all Jobby" as in Steve "Fuck All Y'all Jobby" Jobs?

Follow up question to the follow up numbers keypad question as well as follow up question to LOST: Hey how come you just didn't you use the numbers from LOST on the keypad?

Your company's name is Apple right? You the boss right? Then answer me as to why ain't you made a phone in the form of an apple?

Is it true that the original name for the Ipad was the Iwontgiveafuck?

How come you didn't put out a hit on that one guy who was all like "Ooooh, look at me. I found the new Iphone early and I'm online with it wow look at me."?

What words of sympathy and condolence do you have for those new Iphone users who are coming home to an old cellphone that's either hung, shot, or shit itself to death due to its inevitable outdated-ness?

How long before Apple finally unveils the Iboobies?

If you're one of the great minds and innovators of modern times then how can Dr. Octagon be Halfsharkalligatorhalfman and not you?

I planned to get arrested on this last question (or maybe the Iboobies one, I'm not sure) and then as I was being dragged out of the building I was going to look directly at the news camera recording the whole event, throw security completely off of me, throw on my commemorative Prince 1999 purple sequin trench coat with matching glasses (the glasses are original), throw up the Wu Tang "W" and yell "Chi-city jukin' for life!" as I flew off in a jet pack.

Now don't you wish I would have been there.

LOST Is Questioned.

2010-05-26T10:47:00.000-07:00

Somehow people have put it in their heads that if you tell them you saw the LOST finale that's an open invitation for them to then tell you:

A) They loved it.
B) They hated it.
C) No Ricky I didn't dress up as Kate to watch it.

Now say what you will about the episode, dressing up as Kate ranks right up there when I dressed up as Kirstie Alley for the final episode of Cheers. And I had the outfit first Evangeline.

Looking back, I think about the finale of LOST the same way I think about sex, "It's over now. Let's move on. Why can't I stop crying?" It's no coincidence that the last thought is a question. LOST was about questions. Some were answered. Others were not. Here's a pretty solid list of questions that were not answered as asked by College Humor's Jeff Rubin.

Follow me on Twitter here!

For Us Fu@&in' Dorks Who Love LOST

2010-05-23T10:59:00.001-07:00

Tonight is the final episode of LOST. Here's an exclusive look with Sarah Silverman.

Have You Talked To That New LCD Soundsystem?

2010-05-21T12:30:00.000-07:00

Here's two reasons why you should pick up LCD Soundsystem's new album This Is Happening.

Reason #1:

Reason Numero Dos:

Simple enough right? Go talk to that. It will do you no harm.

Brilliant Idea #482 - The Stevie Wonderbot

2010-05-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

I wanna build a robot for Stevie Wonder. The Wonderbot. The Stevie Wonder Wonderbot. It’ll look like Stevie Wonder. It’ll sound like Stevie Wonder. But it’ll fucking kill you.

It’ll have accessories. I’m gonna build it a pair of robotic Stevie Wonder glasses that can be taken off. But when The Stevie Wonder Wonderbot takes them off they’ll be another pair of Stevie Wonder Wonderbot Robot Glasses that shoot fucking lasers at you.

The Stevie Wonder Wonderbot will be sold in children’s department stores across the country. Be sure not to say the following words around The Stevie Wonder Wonderbot or it will fucking kill you:

Amour, Cherie, The, Grammy, Living, Signed, Superstition, Boogie, Sealed, Reggae, Delivered, City, Woman, Blind Motherfucker, Don‘t, Love, R&B, Kill, As, I, and Wish.

Brilliant Idea #263 - The "Taste's Like Candy" Edition.

2010-05-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

And this commercial goes a little something like this. And it's to be imagined in black and white until instructed otherwise.

Interior kitchen.

MOM is taking lunch off of the kitchen table from her SON.

SON: Mommy!

MOM: Yes Jethro?

SON: I want some candy for dessert!

MOM: You got it Jethro.

In an explosion of color onscreen MOM turns around and reveals:

And then wiith the stroke of genius that was born of The Velvet Underground's "Walk On The Wild Side" the actual fucking never imitated never duplicated well sung about colored girls appear in a row next to MOM wearing purple sequin dresses and sunglasses and sing :

SINGERS: They taste great in ya mouf!

SON holds up:

SON: That's where these are going!

MOM: That's where they belong Jethro. I can't wait for your father to come home so he can have some of my Big Nuts.

JETHRO: I can’t wait for their new "Extra Hairy Flavor".

MOM and JETHRO smile with Big Nuts in their mouths and hands.

Then your television explodes in your living room in a drowning flash of Pulp Fiction briefcase golden light and you can't tell what the hell just happened until you look down and see a bag of cotton candy on your table called Pink Titties.

And that's how you sell sweets motherfuckers.

Happy Birthday James Brown Good GodZammaBammaZeeerreeeeeYouuuuu!

2010-05-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

It's James Brown's Birthday Today! HEH!

Let's remember the funny times. HAAAAAAIH!

Let's remember the funky good times AAAAAAINNNH!

Let's not forget the not so good times SHO' YA' RIGHT!

And then there's the Holy Goddamn What Is This shit times ZIIIIIIREEEEYOUUUUUUU!!!!

DOG DAY AFTERNOON

2010-04-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

Here’s the first in what will be a series of adventures, journeys, or just plain strolls that I take with my dog J.B. There's several ways to summarize the relationship between J.B. and I. I'd like to say we're like Tango & Cash. She'd say more Della Reese & Redd Foxx circa Harlem Nights. She’s right. Here’s a quick recap of a Sunday afternoon with my dog J.B.

“Well today was a fucking day.”

That’s what my dog J.B. just said to me. We’d decided to venture out on Logan Boulevard and enjoy some fresh air and as she likes to say, “Walk amongst the people”. I’m not gonna deny her that. Walk the earth. Get our faces right. That’s what we do.

“Why do all the kids in this neighborhood look all moody and shit?”

I don’t know J.B. They’re hipsters. It’s what they do. Why do dogs always look at each other like they recognize each other from somewhere?

“You got me there.”

We walked by a sign in front of a church that said Dog Friendly Mass. Dog friendly mass? You’d think that in the age of instant photography and people always being at the camera ready position that I would’ve taken a picture of it more so as evidence than to have as a memory but instead I just looked at J.B. She took off her sunglasses, brushed some dirt off her shoulder, and with her tail a-wagging said “I wanna talk to the Lord!” In we go.

Hey you know who brings their dog to a mass? Fucking nobody. J.B. was the only one in there and of course she loved it. I felt silly being in there with her and she wasn’t making it any easier. Every time the priest said “God” J.B. would yell, “That’s dog backwards son!” She was full of questions.

“They serve food here?”

“Holy shit. Can I take a holy shit here?”

“Did you see the sign that said Rev. Cleophus Jones is having a service here next week?”

Time went by and J.B. was getting restless.

"Nobody's catching the Holy Ghost! There's no wine in this water bowl!! Snoop Dogg wouldn't step in this chuuu'ch!"

The priest handling the service keeps asking, “Can I get an amen? “ J.B. keeps yelling back “Can I get a wha’ what!” Alright we’re outta here. Outside of a 12 year old who couldn’t stop laughing everyone else’s look said “You actually brought a dog to the dog friendly mass?” Holy shit.

*J.B. thinks this blog would work better if it were titled My Bitch and Me. I’ll let you guess who she thought the bitch is.

This blog has moved

2010-04-21T17:45:00.001-07:00

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Alternate Movie Tagline: SCARFACE

2010-04-16T09:05:00.000-07:00

They're Real Movies. They're Real Fake Tag Lines. They're Alternate Movie Tag Lines: SCARFACE.

I'm Your Tax Man

2010-04-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

Things you probably overheard me saying while getting my taxes done by my accountant:

1) Gotta make that paper paper! Gotta make that money money!

2) What’s the name of my business? Wu-Tang International INC.

3) I’m depending on you to get this done so that makes you a dependant right?

4) Gotta make that paper paper! Gotta make that cheddar cheddar!

5) What’s my name? I already told you man it’s Wesley Snipes. Now what’s the problem?

6) Can I just say that playing Bone Thugs N’ Harmony “First of the Month” is a really nice touch to this office?

7) Didn’t make no paper paper! Now I gotta pay them taxes taxes!

8) I owe how much! Alright I have this map see? Now you join me in finding this treasure on One Eyed Willy’s boat and I see both of our problems disappearing.

9) What-wait. No I thought-no wait. I thought you said you was alright Spider.

10) How funny would it be if we put a nugget of weed in the envelope and sent that to the IRS? Okay now what do you mean by “That’s illegal.”?

Upcoming Fun Shows This Week Kids!

2010-04-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

Howdy Peoples!

I just want to give you a heads up on some solid show's that I will be a part of this week. So for all you wonderful people who ask when my next show is, Here You Go!:

Tuesday April 13 9pm: Laugh It Up Kid @ Schubas 3159 N. Southport. Tickets are $5 and are available at the door. Check out the LIUK website here!

Weds. April 14th 9pm: Comedians You Should Know @ Timothy O'Toole's 622 N. Fairbanks. Tickets are $5 and are available at the door. Check out the CYSK website here!

Fri. April 16th 8pm: Windy City Burlesque Festival @ Greenhouse Theatre 2257 N. Lincoln. Tickets are $20. Tickets are available here. Check out the Windy City Burlesque Festival website here!

Sat. April 17th 10:30pm: Windy City Burlesque Festival @ Greenhouse Theatre 2257 N. Lincoln. Tickets are $20. Tickets are available here! Check out the Windy City Burlesque Festival website here!

Also check out the new website that I'm a writer/contributer on called Actually Funny. What is it? It's just that. A website with blogs, videos, all dat-all dat! which is actually funny. Check it out here! Become a fan of Actually Funny on Facebook here. Tell your friends. Tell your kids.

"Is that it Ricky?"

Nope. Here comes the knock out punch. I'll be performing with super hilarious Doug Benson (Super High Me, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Last Comic Standing) on May 16th at Zanies!!! Boo-yeah!!! It's a special 4:20pm show. If I have to explain why well, it's cause....you know, you know. Tickets are available here.

That's it. Got it? I'm gone. But if you're looking for me you can become a fan on Facebook right here. You can follow me on Twitter here. You can also check me out on Witstream.com.

Alternate Movie Tag Line - Alien

2010-04-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

The Only Thang We Gotsta Fear....

2010-03-31T11:25:00.000-07:00

I've lived too much of my life in fear and it sucks. I dated this girl for awhile. One of the prettiest girls I've ever dated in my life. Pret-tay. Fine! The kinda fine where I was like, "What is your fine ass doing with me?" The answer? Not much. She broke up with me soon after. In a written letter. Don't feel bad for me. I got her back by rapping Public Enemy lyrics through my tears on the walk home:

"I got a letter from the government the otha' day!"
"It said this fine ass girl don't wanna see me no more."
"Sob sob sobbing."

There's nothing quite like rejection especially when you're reading it to yourself. Your own voice telling you that you don't want to be with you. I've since learned to read rejection letters with Della Reese's voice in my head. Della Reese telling you that it ain't gonna work out is much easier to accept than your own. Relationships are not my forte. I'm so bad at getting in relationships with girls that if I make eye contact with one I just consider that dating. If she blinks that means it's over. She has a lazy eye? She's cheating.

What are some of the things that've caused the most fear in my life?

Getting on stage to tell jokes for the first time. I'd compare it to coming over to talk to the cool kids table in the lunch room but when you say hi projectile vomit comes out your mouth. Everybody stares at you and you think to yourself, "Shit I gotta try that again but better."

Hoping nobody would catch me trapped in a bathroom stall at church summer camp because I crapped my pants. I crapped my pants, people. At a church fucking summer camp. You know in Full Metal Jacket when Matthew Modine tells Adam Baldwin in his best John Wayne impression, "Well you can just eat the peanuts out of my shit." I could've provided more than enough said shit peanut.

Report card pick up with my mom during 8th grade. Before Mike Tyson used "Welcome To The Terrordome" when he entered the ring to whup on that ass, Haugan Elementary would play it over the loudspeakers when they saw my mom entering the building.

Watching Garret Morris' death scene in The Stuff:

Someday a change will come. If I ever meet Fear I plan on giving it a good "Fuck you!" to the face. On behalf of all of us. It's gonna be a good Jack Lemmon Glengarry Glen Ross Kevin Spacey fucktastic scolding. Because someone needs to. You, I, we can't keep living our lives like this. We're supposed to be winners in this game. We win. Fear loses. Fuck you pay me. And you know what? I'm afraid that's all I have to say on this.

Shit someone call Morris Day and The Time so I can find out when my next gig is.

I'm on Twitter. Talk to that.

Hey Have You Seen That New Scott Pilgrim Trailer?

2010-03-25T10:38:00.000-07:00

Alright I've been hearing about this Scott Pilgrim movie for a minute. It's based on a comic book which I haven't read but I'm more a follower of comic book movies than of the actual comic. Put that witty sarcasm down comic book nerds! Sarcasm is for closers.

My aforementioned logic (damn man I be dropping words like "aforementioned" like Nino Brown be handing out turkeys!) looks like it's in my favor because this looks like a comic book come to life and I dig it! I hope the visual exclamation effects that are shown are part of the movie and not just there for some kind of trailer enhancement. I hope Edgar Wright knocks it out again with this one (if you don't like Hot Fuzz or Shaun of The Dead I don't wanna see you no mo'!). And I reeeeeeeally hope that's Anne Veal (her?) playing one of Ramona's evil exes knockin' George Michael the fuck out.

Talk to this trailer then light up a mayon-egg in Anne's honor. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World hits theaters August 13, 2010.

Alternate Movie Tag Line: Here's An Offer....

2010-03-24T14:09:00.000-07:00

I'm not alone when saying that I'd rather have woken up with a horse's head in my bed than watch The Godfather III.

This Is The Life We Have Chosen.

2010-03-24T13:33:00.000-07:00

How did that kid on the left turn into that dude on the right?

They say a picture is worth a 1,000 words. Here are a total of 169 words that prove one thing. That kid on the left didn't think that much different back then then that dude on the right does today.

1) In one of those pics I'm thinking "This must be how the President starts his day!".

2) In one of those pics I'm thinking "I can be Axel Foley. I can be cool like Axel Foley. I can say fuck like Axel Foley":

TEACHER: Ricky since you don't have your homework I'm gonna have to call your mother.
ME: Get the fuck outta here!
TEACHER: No I cannot.

3) In one of those pics I'm thinking "I'm really glad Mom bought this outfit for me!"

4) In one of those pics I'm happy because I'm quietly ripping ass.

5) In one of those pics I'm nervous about who it is that is just out of frame.

6) In one of those pics I'm confident that if I try hard enough I could be the next member of New Edition.

7) In one of those pics I'm thinking "I should've gone with the Jheri Curl look today."

8) In one of those pics I'm thinking "There's no way this picture will ever come back to haunt me."

Re-Release The Trailer Son!

2010-03-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

How we doing peoples! My friend Paul likes to make the analogy that our lives can be viewed as one long television series in which you are the star and you have a recurring cast such as your freinds, occasional guest stars which usually consist of a guy or girl who you may be smitten (I just dropped the word smitten!) with at the time, and finally the daily adventures of your life which can be described as the episode. If we follow that analogy then consider this a crossover blog episode on "The Ricky Carmona Show!".

Over at Is That Your Boy they've taken the "Hey Have You Seen That Trailer?" post idea and done something really cool with it. They've taken the original trailer to "Clash of The Titans" from 1981 and re-cut it as a shot for shot remake of the upcoming 2010 "Clash of The Titans" trailer. Check out the trailer below cut by Paul Miglio courtesy of www.isthatyourboy.com:

"So here is my interpretation of the new Clash of the Titans trailer with old footage. Hope you enjoy."

"Here is my version of the trailer with the original as a Picture-In-Picture for comparison."

"And here's the actual trailer for the new Clash of the Titans...which I think kicks ass."

Head on over to www.isthatyourboy.com for the full article. It will do you no harm. Wu Tang!

Hey Have You Seen The New Tron Legacy Trailer?

2010-03-16T10:38:00.000-07:00

Everything about this movie has me excited about this movie except the actual movie? Does that make sense? I am excited to see Jeff Bridges, excuse me, Academy Award winning actor Jeff Bridges allow me to get that dirt off your shoulders son! I am excited to hear Daft Punk's soundtrack. And 3D! I haven't been this excited to watch a movie in 3D since-....well shit since Avatar! Am I excited for the story of TRON though? Not really. I wasn't a huge fan of the original TRON. I loved the light cycle sequence, I was into their crazy future version of electro-frisbee, and if you can pull off a neon glowing suit you got some style but once the story started I was out. I got that same scary feeling after watching this trailer. Get rid of that opening dialogue sequence and get us in the computer world! Quit jibba-jabbing! I don't want to hate on this too early. I'll relax. I'll give TRON the benefit of the doubt.
Hey quick question, is the lead in this movie the kid from Four Brothers? I hope so cause that's going to give me time to bust out my world famous Mark Wahlberg "I wanna know who killed my moms!" Four Brothers impression. Ask me to do it for you the next time you see me. It's pretty solid. TRON Legacy starring Academy Award winner Jeff Bridges and that one brother from Four Brothers opens in theaters on December 17, 2010.

Get at me on that Twitter by clicking right here!

I'll Punch A Predator In The Throat.

2010-03-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

If you're not a citizen of the Nerd-iverse then you're probably not aware that they're making a new Predator movie called Predators. Well they are. It's not a remake. It's a prequel. This one's for all of you who watched the first Predator and couldn't stop thinking, "Wait a minute. Who done the Predator wrong that it's going around acting like this is acceptable behavior? What is his motivation for ripping spines out, shankin' Carl Weathers, and calling us one ugly muddafuhcka?". Well your questions will finally be answered people. I have some questions after watching this sneak peek footage:

The director of this movie is named Nimrod Antal. Why is your name Nimrod bro? Can I trust you?
Is Laurence Fishburne channelling the spirit of Bill Duke? Did the whole cast get told to get in shape except Laurence Fishburne? "Hey everybody get ripped. Except you Laurence, you get hungry."
Is that Shane aka "Teeth" aka "Cleetus Van Damme" from The Shield? Word! Family Meeting!!!
Will we ever see the famed deleted scene from the original Predator where Carl Weathers explains to Schwarzenegger to "save them human bones cause then you got yourself a stew baby!".

We'll see if any and or all of these questions get answered. For now enjoy the sneak peak to Predators.

The official Predators trailer will be released March 18th. The film Predators will be dedicated to the spirit of Bill Duke's BIC razor.

Follow me on Twitter here!

A Day of Realizations

2010-03-15T07:20:00.000-07:00

It's a day of realizations for me. Here's me right now realizing I'm 10+ years late on a particular Irish band's album.

ME: Hey you like U2? I just heard that Zooroopa album. Man they got like a brand new sound on that one.

OTHER PERSON: (walks away).

REALIZATION: It's March! Are you ready for Maaaaaaaaaaarch MADNESS!?! Actually I'm not. I'm not interested at all. Why is it whenever March Madness is talked about it's always being screamed about? On television, in conversation, even when I read it in print the voice I hear in my head is the Headmaster of the New York School for the Hard of Hearing Garret Morris cupping his hands around his mouth and yelling "ARE YOU READY FOR MARCH MADNESS!!!". Or I'm tied to a tree and some guy is standing 15 feet away on a pitcher's mound with a bucket full of magazines and each page in the magazine has the same 5 words typed in it over and over again: Are You Ready For March Madness!!! Jack Torrance stands there and just whips those magazines at me with his best Mitch Williams style fastball.

REALIZATION: I tried an experiment at home with surprising results. I watched Memento while listening to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and my weed exploded.

REALIZATION: I need new headshots. Apparently the one below is being deemed as "inappropriate and unacceptable":

I'd buy a McRib off that guy.

REALIZATION: I'm in Milwaukee, WI right now. Sitting in a coffee shop. I'm looking out the window seeing the avenue and realizing that I'm surrounded by Milwaukee hipsters. Coincidentally, I live in Logan Square on Milwaukee Avenue where I am also surrounded by hipsters. What does this mean? Hipsters love me.

ME: Can I talk about hipsters for a second?
OTHER PERSON: (walks away).
ME: Alright well what about people who complain about hipsters?

I hate people who complain about hipsters and here's why. You don’t hate hipsters. you hate what they remind you of, you son! "You know what it is bro? I hate their skinny jeans, their horn rimmed glasses, t-shirts, and their music"---oh quit crying already you 33 year old grandma! I hate to blow up your revisionist history bubble but our Navajo plaid hoodies, pulled down ball caps, ski goggles, Doc Martens and size 38 denim Girbuads weren’t lighting the world on fire. There should be one day of the year where we’re all forced to wear what we wore in high school for one day. We’ll call it Whoopsie Day! I’ll go first. I’ll have a pair of shiny leather black shoes with silver steel plated rimmed toes, purple red and orange multicolored overall shorts, (one shoulder unhooked) and a navy blue denim long sleeve shirt. I look like Theo Huxtable and an In Living Color Fly Girl had a baby in the back of an Oaktree. The only thing we have hipsters beat on is music. 90’s hip hop is our generations 70’s rock. It’s gonna live on forever. We’re gonna be old men in our 70’s and someone is gonna play Tribe's "Scenario" at the old folks home and half of us still are gonna have the strength to throw our canes in the air and yell:

“Rowr Rowr like a dungeon dragon.
Change ya’ lil draws cause your pants are saggin!!"

Don’t hate hipsters. Accept the fact that you’re getting old and you’re just not that relevant anymore. It’s okay. Turn up that Pharcyde album, let's smoke some weed while we watch Reservoir Dogs and yes yes yes you were never a hipster. Why would I ever think that.
And hipsters? Real quick. Do me a favor. Smile every once in a fucking while will you? It's okay. Whatever is going on trust me, it's gonna be okay. I like to walk around the boulevard with my dog and when we smile at you don't look at us like we just asked you for the fucking rent.

FINAL REALIZATION: I can't just mention Tribe's "Scenario" and then not have it readily available for enjoyment. Everything should always end with "Scenario". Parties, work days, this blog.

So Sabotage We All

2010-03-11T09:04:00.000-08:00

My friend Bryan Bowden just sent me this video and it must be shared with all y'all. Am I "that guy" now? The guy who must show you every little thing he finds amusing on the internet. I hope I'm not. That being said check out this shot for shot remake of the video Sabotage by the Beastie Boys using Battlestar Galactica footage. So say who all? So Say We All.

Snake Plissken! I Thought You Were Dead.

2010-03-10T10:01:00.001-08:00

I love John Carpenter. Early John Carpenter circa late 1970s-1980's. I always feel obligated to say that. He's like Stevie Wonder where you have to make the distinction of which era you were a fan of. Stevie's Innervisions: Solid! Stevie's Secret Life Of Plants: Ooooooph. Carpenter made some of my favorite movies in the 80's including Big Trouble In Little China, The Thing, They Live, and Escape From New York*. All classics to this day that still hold up and still garner (I just dropped the word "garner" son!) repeat viewings. All that being said I still wish some were handled better than others. Most notably, I think John Carpenter dropped the ball on the Snake Plissken/Escape series. Here's what we should have been treated to instead of having Escape From L.A. rape my eyes. It should have been:

In The Beginning:

Followed One Year Later With:

Then One Week Later The Grand Finale:

Speaking of Kurt Russell some of my favorite Jack's in life have been Jack Burton, Jack Nicholson, Jack Bauer, New Jack City, Jackin' Off, Jumping Jack Flash (absolutely not the film), Jacking For Beats, and let's give a special shout out to 227's Jackee Harry:

Was she the Black Fran Drescher of the 80's? Based on vocal tone and nasality you can make that argument and win.

But the biggest Jack of them all may have been the end of I'm Gonna Git' You Sucka with KRS-One making a cameo to peform "Jack Of Spades":

Follow me on Twitter here kids!

*R.I.P. goes out to Escape From New York's Donald Pleasance, Isaac Hayes(The Duke!), and Adrienne Barbeau's perfect 80's rack.

Bootsy, Brad, And A Muthafunkin' Box.

2010-03-08T21:39:00.000-08:00

Who's gon' turn this mutha out! Who's gon' turn this mutha out! What's the name of this town?

Yell that shit out right now. I don't care where you are. It will do you no harm. Do it. If unknown to your control you got a lip curl and your smile went from ear to ear then you just got Funk Face. What's Funk Face? Check it. Bam!:

There's two kinds of people in this world. Those who funk. Hit'em Bootsy! Funk Face Two. Check it!

Then there are those who get funked:

What's in the box Brad? It's your wife's head bro. It's always gonna be her head.

What's the difference between these two men? This ain't no LOST Jacob/Man In Black type decision. It's funk or be funked. Lifestyles. Outlooks. If you’re a fan of Bootsy then the funk has been bestowed upon you. You’ve been wiiiiiiiiinded up and you will funk away to Chocolate City, Population: Horny Horns and 100% Funkateers. If you’re a fan of Brad Pitt then you’re waiting for a box in an open country field. "What's in the box?"

Brad! Bro I told you already. It's. A. Head. Your wife's.

See I need positive relatable people in my life. That's Bootsy. He funks among the people. Don’t believe me? Bootsy got his own Twitter page. Follow him now at @Bootsy_Collins. His latest update as of this morning:

Going to LA Mon. to put Sly Stone, George Clinton, and yes Samuel L. Jackson on
the new "Boot-Z-Class" Album. Ahh Funk Me!

Now who do you want on your side? Someone made out of 14CaratGFunkRockStarDollWhoComesEquippedWithStereophonicFunk-ProducinDiscoInducingTwinMagneticFunkReceptors or someone who wants to know "What's in the fuuuuuuckin' box?"

Ask me again Brad. Ask me one mo' a'gin.

When’s the last time you felt really close to Brad Pitt? The only way I could get close to him is if I put myself up for adoption in Africa. Shit if Madonna hasn’t picked me yet why would Brangelina? Ahhh yes. That name. "Brangelina". That name is unacceptable. The first time I heard that I said "Who and what is that?" When they told me it was a name for Brad Pitt I immediately thought what a lot of you probably did, "somebody should put his wife's head in a box." Here's what I wanted Brad to do. I wanted him to call a press conference and say, "Thank you all for coming here today. First things first, anybody who calls me Brangelina I will punch you in the throat, force you to watch The Mexican and Mr. & Mrs. Smith, then cut off your loved one's head and send it to myself standing in an open field. And my apologies to everyone for Meet Joe Black. Now which one of you beeetches got something to say?". Shit Brad show up on Charlie Rose and if he brings up Brangelina bust out your best Jim "Don't Call Me Chris" Everett impression and jump across that table like Charlie was Jim Rome himself and get to whupping on that ass. Shit this is too negative.

Bootsy! Funk Face Three. Wiiiiiiiiiiiind it up!

Do not allow no one to step on your funk. Funk is it's own reward and all those who play with it are sure to master it. I belong to the nation where it's okay for someone to tell me they want to "put it in my earhole" as long as they're wearing a red, white, and blue sequin suit, star rimmed glasses, and 12in. heels. You can either live your life with someone like that on your side or someone who spent too much time trying to look like a pretty Serpico.

Didn't no one ever try and put Serpico's wife's head in no box.

Follow the ways of the funk:

Or follow this guy:

One of them will do you no harm.

Going Green

2010-03-06T14:33:00.000-08:00

How we doing! Thanks to improv group Dirty Water for the fun show last night. The pic above is after the show when St. Pat showed up and he said "Hey Ricky let's get real for this pic right quick!".

I also had a great time on Red Bar Radio recently with Mike D., James Fritz, and Lauren Vino. You can listent to the whole show by clicking here. It's the 2-26-10 show.

Hey you know peoples in Milwaukee? I'll be performing at JD's Comedy Cafe in Milwaukee March 11th - March 13th. Get your ticket information by clicking here!

April 16th & 17th I'll be performing stand up in the first annual Windy City Burlesque Festival. Get all of your information at their website by clicking here!

Don't forget. Live Oscar tweeting tomorrow night starting at 7pm. How can you enjoy that? Well you just follow me on Twitter by clicking here.

This is the best "click here" post you've ever read right?

Alternate Movie Tag Line: Titanic

2010-03-03T18:11:00.000-08:00

It's only fair that since it's Oscar week that we crank out an alternate movie tag line all Academy style n'shit! So here's to you Mr. James Cameron:

Apparently Cameron doesn't have the best sense of humor. Check out this story in the LA Times about a sketch that got cut from the Academy Awards this Sunday that would have had Sascha Baron Cohen and Ben Stiller making fun of Avatar. Hey Cameron! Grow a pair of balls will you, blue Na'vi ones.

Don't forget I'll be live tweeting the Oscars. Follow me on Twitter right here right now! Wu Tang for life.

An Inglorious Oscar Promo!

2010-03-02T07:58:00.000-08:00

My boy Oscar nominated actor Christoph Walz aka Hanz Landa invites you to watch the Academy Awards in this special promo. Enjoy and don't forget to watch the Oscars. I'll be live tweeting them this Sunday night!

Follow me on Twitter here!

Alternate Movie Tag Line: Sex & The City 2!

2010-02-24T11:44:00.000-08:00

This one's for all the ladies out there. With a Jennifer Hudson Dreamgirls roar, "I'm talking to you! And you! And you girl! Not you! And you over there, yeah girl you too, hey girl! Yep! For you as well!".

Don't Sleep On The BlakRok.

2010-02-23T12:46:00.000-08:00

Don't do what I did. Do. Not. Sleep. On. BlakRok. What or who is BlakRok? Talk to this:

Yep. That's The Black Keys playing backup instrumentals with the following MC's on the mic:

Ol' Dirty Bastard & Ludacris
Mos Def
NOE
RZA & Pharoah Monch
Nicole Wray
Raekwon
Jim Jones
Q-Tip, Billy Danze, & Nicole Wray

Check out BlakRok.com for some in studio sessions with all of the guest's listed above. Here's one with the RZA in studio with the Black Keys:

Q-Tip in studio with the Black Keys:

Talk to that kids. Talk to that.

(Big Ups to K-Rock for waking me up to this. Big Ups Girl!)

Snoop. Vader. Adidas.

2010-02-17T13:00:00.000-08:00

Snoop D-O-double G in a galaxy far, far, away? Nope. He's just in New York. Kickin' it with Darth Vader and some Storm Troopers. You know, bustin' out their brand new shoes n'shit. Just another day in the NYC.

Happy Ash Wednesday!

2010-02-17T08:43:00.000-08:00

Happy Ash Wednesday from one of our greatest heroes of all, Ash.

Brilliant Idea #187 - The Fat Tuesday Edition!

2010-02-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

Behold above. What you see above are the combined ingredients to the greatest invention known to man since the wheel, the pulled off the market too soon Seth Brundle telepod, and most recently, the Bluray player. Those are the ingredients to the McRib. If you're like me you've struggled constantly with the internal questions: "Will this ever be topped?", "Can it be improved upon?", and the age old "Can you really McShit yourself after McEating one?" I'm here to tell you that the answer to all of these questions is a resounding emphatic, "Ya' goddamn right hell yeah!!!" Allow myself to introduce to yourself, "The McRiBacon!":

Above image removed due to health code violation.

I already hear the questions. "What is The McRiBacon!?". "Where can I pay for The McRiBacon's! services?" "What comes on The McRiBacon!?". There! That is the most important question. What comes on it? Well allow Iself--allow meself---allow me to---Alright here you go:

One layer of crispy cooked bacon lines the lower portion of a tasty sliced French toasted garlic bread bun.
Another layer of that bacon is gonna get all on top of that French bread son.
Now bow down to the McRib McPork McPatty (with defined grilled marks on said patty) along with the traditional accoutrement's of 3 sliced pickles and grilled onions.
Another layer of bacon BAM!
Remember that naughty French bun you were hollering at earlier? Lookout that bitch is back on the top now!
Aaaaah, like an angel descends from the crystal blue sky above us so does another layer of crispy frakkin' hot ass smoky bacon float down and descend on the top of your bun son!
Then it's dipped in a platinum champagne bucket filled to the brim with traditional McRib sauce orijinal.
Now put it in ya' mouf son. Hey I said put it in ya' mouf!!! Hmmmm. Sho' ya' right.

There you are Americans. Just as Moses ascended the rooftops during the Civil War and set the Olympians free so now do I tell you to take off them chains and live your life to the fullest with the glory of The McRiBacon!.

For a special unlimited time pay an extra 8 bucks and you will receive your very own customized tongs and personalized platinum champagne bucket so you can dip, dunk, and alley-oop that bad boy into your McChampagne McRibBaconBucket as much as you want at the comfort of your own chair.

3 things to note when eating The McRiBacon!:

1. The McRiBacon! can only be eaten while listening to "Bustin' Loose" by Chuck Brown & The Soul Searchers:

2. The McRiBacon! is a dine in item only due primarily to public health code violations but more importantly for maximum enjoyment it can only be eaten in the "Court's Chamber!" dining room(**). Here you will be fitted and dressed as a judge before you take your seat at your own personal chamber table so that no one can judge you while you eat. Instead you get to judge all those who deny themselves the glory of The McRiBacon!. In ya' mouf.

(**surgeons are always on duty in the "Court's Chamber!")

3. You only receive the McChampagne McRibBaconBucket when ordered as its full Christian name. No abbreviations are allowed when ordering.

Happy Fat Tuesday!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T09:39:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Daaaaaaaaeeeeeeeey!

Hey Have You Seen The New Last Airbender Trailer?

2010-02-04T13:57:00.001-08:00

M. Night, M. Night, M. Night. It saddens me to admit that I have given up on you even though you've made one of my favorite movies ever Unbreakable. Why did I give up on you? Because you also made a movie that made me furious while I was watching it in the theater, The Village. You might have lost the ability to make me go see one of your movies but I always seem to love watching the trailers to your movies and this one is no exception. This is the trailer to The Last Airbender which is going to run during the SuperBowl this Sunday. The Last Airbender arrives in theaters this summer.

My favorite M. Night Shyamalan trailer and movie Unbreakable:

Hip Hop Mathematics

2010-02-03T14:38:00.000-08:00

1) If you were to listen to the RZA's lyrics and break them down you'd realize he's 50% Blunt Inspired Madness and 50% Mathematical Equations which equals him being:

the hip hop version of Dennis Hopper in Apocalypse Now.

2) How long before this guy:

evolves into this guy?

Approximately 100 earth years.

3) Did you know if you watch Ice Cube's Are We There Yet?:

while listening to his verse from Burn Hollywood Burn,

the time space continuum is forever altered and Ice Cube will suffer the same fate as Ron Silver in TimeCop.

End of lesson.

Hey Have You Seen The Losers Trailer?

2010-02-01T10:08:00.000-08:00

Did somebody watch the trailer for the A-Team and think, "This is how it should be done."? Based on those two trailers I'm leaning towards The Losers winning-Zinga!***

Best moments in this trailer:

1) "I'm the black MacGuyver. BlackGuyver!"
2) Every shot of Zoe Saldana.

Does anyone else agree that anytime someone from The Wire get's cast in a movie they should play their character from The Wire? You put Idris Elba in this as Stringer Bell and I'm writing the check out for my ticket right now. Hell I'd own Obsessed if it starred Beyonce and Stringer Bell. Who's with me! Just me, damn.

The Losers arrives in theaters on April 9, 2010.

***That's the worst joke I'll write today.

Today's Soundtrack....

2010-02-01T08:48:00.000-08:00

Today's soundtrack is brought to you by The Godfather of Soul...

Rip Torn...Is That Your Boy?

2010-01-30T14:18:00.001-08:00

Rip Torn was arrested last night for allegedly breaking into a bank with a revolver. You can read details about the story here. My guy. Somebody's not using 48% of their brain.

Follow me on Twitter here Dragon Ladies!

Today's Soundtrack....

2010-01-28T13:53:00.000-08:00

Today's soundtrack is for you Goddamn half Japanese girls.

Hey Have You Seen The Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps Trailer?

2010-01-28T13:03:00.000-08:00

I know what you're thinking

YOU: "Damn I sure do wanna see a sequel?"
ME: Really? To what? District 9? Star Trek? Zombieland?
YOU: "Nah son. Wall Street!"
ME: That was gonna be my next guess. And hey you say son just like I do!

Here's the teaser trailer to "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps". For those keeping score the "Greed is Good" mandatory reference shows up at the 1:01 mark in the trailer. I'll say this, how Wu-Tang's C.R.E.A.M. isn't sampled in this trailer is beyond me. Shame on you Mr. Stone.

Hey Have You Seen That Hot Tub Time Machine Trailer?

2010-01-28T09:54:00.000-08:00

Any movie named after something I wish I invented first already has my vote like "The Time Machine", "Soul Power", or "The House Of The Devil". Here's the trailer for the new comedy "Hot Tub Time Machine". My three favorite things about this trailer:

A) Craig Robinson looking right at us on, "Hot Tub Time Machine".
B) "I Feel Pregnant."
C) The final shot of John Cusack apologizing to us for "2012".

"Hot Tub Time Machine" arrives in theaters in March.

Follow me on Twitter here!

Today's Soundtrack....

2010-01-27T12:44:00.000-08:00

Today's soundtrack is brought to you from a shotgun shack...

Hey Have You Seen That Machete Trailer?

2010-01-25T18:27:00.000-08:00

That's the new poster for the upcoming Machete. This might be the first poster that don't need an alternate tag line from me, "They Fucked With The Wrong Mexican". Yeah they did. CHUD has a story here about what the current status of Machete is. If you don't know what Machete is know this, it stars Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Cheech Marin, Steven Seagal, Michelle Rodriguez (Hello Michelle my name is Ricky), Jeff Fahey, and Lindsey Lohan. Here's the trailer that made people want to see a full Machete movie. Good work everyone.

The Purple One.

2010-01-22T08:57:00.000-08:00

Prince is my guy. He's a genius. The stranger a story I hear about Prince the easier it is for me to accept as absolute fact. I was told this week he was referred to by Wendy and Lisa (former members of The New Power Generation**) as the "Fancy Lesbian". My immediate reaction? Of course he is. Now today I get sent not one but two separate emails with the story that Prince has recorded a new fight song for the Minnesota Vikings. My immediate reaction? Of course he did. Here is the Minnesota Vikings Fight song courtesy of Prince titled "Purple And Gold".

And here's a bonus clip kids. The trifecta. Prince, Michael Jackson, and James Brown performing at the Apollo.

Happy Friday.
**My apologies, I was informed that Wendy and Lisa were in the Revolution. I lose two Purple Points for that error.

Happy Hump Day!

2010-01-20T09:55:00.001-08:00

Happy Hump Day. If you gotsta get over the hump, here's how you do it.

Today's Soundtrack....

2010-01-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

Today's soundtrack is brought to you by The Coup:

I met Boots Riley a few months back at one of my favorite bars and he was super cool. He's the Intergalactic Afro Pimp.

Wait--What I Say?

2010-01-19T14:18:00.000-08:00

Awww hell yeah. I love hip hop. Old skool son. My favorite Nice N' Smooth song is "Sometimes I rhyme slow-Sometimes I fuck quick"---Wait what I say?

Today's Soundtrack...

2010-01-19T12:14:00.000-08:00

Today's soundtrack is brought to you by Mos Def:

Help For Haiti.

2010-01-19T08:59:00.000-08:00

Howdy Peoples! For the final 2 shows of "We Don't Need Know Stinkin' Edumucation!" The ESL Players are donating all of our tickets sales to the Haitian Relief Fund. Tickets for the shows are $10. Donations will also be accepted at the performance.
If you haven't seen the show yet now's the time to enjoy it as well as help those in need. The show is at The Chicago Center For The Performing Arts - 777 N. Green Street. Doors open at 7pm and showtime is at 8pm.

I can feel it. Can You Feel It?

2010-01-14T14:58:00.000-08:00

Teddy P.....He Gone!

2010-01-14T08:22:00.000-08:00

Damn! Teddy Pendergrass died yesterday. How about a moment of silence for Teddy P. and in his honor as was custom at his concerts....women throw your panties onstage.

Teddy P.:

I Don't Love You Anymore:

Wake Up Everybody:

Don't Leave Me This Way:

Hey Have You Seen The New A-Team Trailer?

2010-01-13T08:43:00.000-08:00

Hey. HEY! It's been a minute since I posted a trailer. My bad. So let's get it going again with the trailer to The A-Team. Remember that show from the 1980's? That's the one where the British nanny was forced to work for the American family who had adopted 2 brothers and they lived in this awesome house that Alfonso Ribiero always used to come hang out in. This is a contemporary version and it looks like they are going more the action-adventure route this time around. The A-Team stars Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper (laaadies!), Sharlto Copely (sans Christopher Robinson), and Mr.T's futurized mohawk. The A-Team arrives in theaters on June 11, 2010.

Today's Soundtrack...

2010-01-13T07:31:00.000-08:00

Today's soundtrack is brought to you by A Tribe Called Quest:

Brilliant Idea #422 - Late Night Edition

2010-01-12T11:01:00.000-08:00

I don't know when NBC is gonna figure out who's gonna be doing what on late night television but I have a brilliant suggestion. How about Carsenio!

CHICAGO SKETCHFEST 2010!

2010-01-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

CHICAGO SKETCHFEST 2010 is here peoples! I'll be performing in it with my group The ESL Players on Sunday January 10th at 5pm. It's our first year in the festival. We're proud. We're loud. We're gonna tear it up. All information for Sketchfest is available right here kids.

Talk to this funky disco biscuit right quick too.

Alternate Movie Tag Line: It's Complicated

2009-12-30T11:44:00.000-08:00

"Sophie's choice just got a whole lot easier."

2009: The Musical That Was.

2009-12-29T10:30:00.000-08:00

2009 is about to be up and out of here in a minute kids and here's a quick look back at the musica that gave me that crunch up my face, Gaahd Damn, who the hell is this feeling. WARNING! ACHTUNG! FIJATE! Not all of these songs were released in 2009. Don't consider that a cheat, consider more that these are the songs that made me clutch my chest, that made me smile, that made me think of someone special, that made me have my solo dance parties, that I'm gonna play at my next house party (soon people), that made me sing out loud, that made me ignore you on the train, that made me think everything is alright if you got your music with you.

"Zero" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs from the album It's Blitz: Go ahead, ask me how I feel about Karen O. I wish you would. I am a fan and if you ever meet her you do me a favor and let her know my name is Ricky. This is the album that makes the convincing argument that dancing with a girl in a blue cape is something we should all strive for.

"Talking 'Bout My Baby" by Fatboy Slim from the album Halfway Between The Gutter And The Stars: Here's what you do. On a nice summer day, when you wake up next to your wonderful woman and she says, "What are we gonna do today baby?". You play this song for her and you just belt out those vocals to her. "Under the big bright yellow sun!". Thass right.

"Gettin' Up" by Q-Tip from the album The Renaissance: "Ahhhh! Here's my Q-Tip!" That was the reaction a lot of us had when we heard "Gettin' Up" after we were all a little disappointed with his first album Amplified. The Renaissance made us realize again that "what good is a ear if a Q-Tip isn't in it.". And for the record I would wear every outfit that Tip rocks in the video. Red military blazer, fox hat, shorts, big rimmed glasses. I'll rock that no doubt.

"Show You The Way To Go" by The Jacksons from the album The Jacksons: I never would have known of this song had it not been for the Michael Jackson Tribute mix made by DJ Premier shortly after Michael died. The mix is hot. Talk to that. This cut is one reason why. Young Michael in full dance floor R&B smooth swagger mode.

"Sooner Or Later" by N.E.R.D. from the album Seeing Sounds: "Sooner or later it all comes crashing down.". Well crashing never sounded so good. Enjoy the crash, and the cymbals, and the sick guitar solo, and "It's Over! Leave It!".

"It's Your's" by Jon Cutler Feat. E-Man (Tiefschwarz Vocal) from the album After The Playboy Mansion [Disc2]: You like housing it up? You like feeling good about yourself at the same time? Would you like to combine those two feelings? Then this song would like to talk to you for a minute.

"Make Her Say" by Kid Cudi Feat. Kanye West and Common from the album Man On The Moon: End Of Day: "Day N' Night" was Cudi's big hit and the obvious choice but as much as I loved it I gotta go with "Make Her Say". The old school drum beat, the scratches, and the guest vocals by Kanye and Common put this one on top. Especially Common's verse "They say you be on that conscious tip, get your head right and get up on this conscious dick."

"New Wu" by Raekwon from the album Built For Cuban Linx Pt.II: Throw your W's up. Don't fight that lip curl that happens while you listen to this. That is the natural Wu Tang reaction at work. Embrace it. Wu Tang International.

"Thank You" Jay-Z from the album The Blueprint 3: Thank you Hector for giving me this album. You're welcome to everybody who got a copy from me.

"JuJu" by Black Coffee feat. Zakes Bantwini from the album Home Brewed: I heard this song courtesy of Mario Romay from Groove Parlor and believe me when I tell you everyone in the spot turned and looked over at him like, "What is this?!?"

"I Don't Need It" by Jamie Foxx from the album Intuition: I heard this on the Mediterranean Sea. I danced to it in a palace in Istanbul. DJ Sadie and Madrid Perry. Thank you.

"Funky Kingston" by Toots & The Maytals: The first thing that's gonna happen is your leg is gonna start bouncing, then you're gonna put your fist up, then you're just gonna be magically stoned. Enjoy. Thank you James Fritz.

There was more, a lot more that I could have put on here but that's just a taste of what the musical good times were like this year. Thanks to everybody who gave me music this year: Groove Parlor, Paul, Angel, Fritz, Hector, Gusto, Becky, Evan, Zo, Josh, Michael, etc., You don't know how happy it makes me.

Alternate Movie Tag Line: AntiChrist

2009-12-28T23:17:00.000-08:00

"It's The Date Movie Of The Year!"

Ebert, Mookie, And Me.

2009-12-22T21:05:00.000-08:00

Roger Ebert loves Spike Lee. I love Spike Lee. Roger Ebert is my boy. Not just because we feel the same way about Spike Lee (it don't hurt though) but because Ebert really knows how to explain a Spike Lee movie. Where I might just let my emotions override what I'm actually trying to say and I just turn into sound effects with the word "Mookie" sprinkled in throughout, Ebert respects the work and effort that Spike Lee puts into his movies and knows how to get that point across. He can explain to you what's happening inside the frame of a Spike Lee shot and he can give solid insight as to what's happening behind the camera. Ebert's been leading the Lee charge from the time "She's Gotta Have It" was released and his opinion/review to watching "Do The Right Thing" when it was first released in Cannes is legend, that is if movie reviewers can have legends.

Head over to Roger Ebert's site right now and check out his blog called Great Movies where he discusses great films past and present. Ebert just revisited Spike Lee's "The 25th Hour" starring Edward Norton. If you haven't seen the movie do not read the blog. Actually if you haven't seen "The 25th Hour" go handle that right now then check out Ebert's solid look back on it.

Hey Have You Seen The New Iron Man 2 Trailer?

2009-12-16T18:16:00.000-08:00

Hey it's The Larry Sanders Show starring Iron Man! Actually it's the trailer for Iron Man 2 but that is Mr. Sanders, Garry Shandling himself, starting the trailer off before being joined by Robert Downey Jr., Mickey Rourke, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Don Cheadle as Terrance Howard. Everything regarding Iron Man 2 up to and including this trailer has the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" vibe to it and that's a very good thing. Unless your Terrance Howard. I'll never understand why he's not in this movie but seeing Buck Swope as War Machine is pretty bad ass in my opinion. Enjoy the goodness that is the Iron Man 2 trailer peoples. It arrives in theaters on May 7th, 2010.

Two Thangs For Tuesday...actually Three!

2009-12-15T10:26:00.000-08:00

Que Pasa Peoples! Quick thangs for the week, rundown of shows, and that's that.

I will be performing at CHICAGO UNDERGROUND COMEDY tonight at 9:30pm. It's the best place to see stand up, it's my favorite place to do stand up, it's something you should come check out and see. Guepa!

My sketch comedy show "We Don't Need Know Stinkin' Edumucation!" is still going strong at the Chicago Center For The Performing Arts - 777 N. Green Street. Check it out this Thursday at 8pm. Email the ESL Players on Facebook and you get a chance to get some free tickets. Times are tough, I know it!

This Sunday Dec. 20th I'll be performing stand up at Gorilla Tango Theater (1919 N. Milwaukee) as part of "Hanuchristmakwanzika II".

"Hanuchristmakwanzika II will benefit Imagination Theater, a non-profit organization that provides schools and diverse audiences with dynamic, participatory programming. They enhance well-being and create a more civil, safe society. Hanuchristmakanzika II will be a holiday-themed, PG-13 comedy show featuring hilarious stand-up comics and improv you won’t want to miss."
Please continue to support shows like this one that are for a good cause during the holidays. Tickets are $10 (cash only). Showtime is 4:30pm. Donations can be also be made at this link.

Happy Monday!

2009-12-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

Nothing says technology to me like being able to use a computer in an airport. I base all advances in technology not on medical breakthroughs or space travel accomplishments, nope. I base them on selfish solutions and the advance of video game graphics. I'm glad they found water on the moon but have you seen that new Arkham Asylum! Hell naw!!!
I don't want to be selfish right now. I want to say thanks to everybody who came out to the Lincoln Lodge this past Friday night. Every comic did great. As nerve racking as those nights can be the best part is seeing your friends go onstage and tear it up. And ya' say Chi-City! Duke's Ale House in Crystal Lake also was a treat. Cool peoples who came out in the cold to laugh. Solid.
And it wouldn't have been a Saturday without hearing some House Music. Big thanks to Groove Parlor's Mario Romay and DJ Hector Lopez for knocking it out this weekend. I brought a little bit of what I heard with me from Saturday. Oooooh, this cut is sick. This is Black Coffee featuring Zakes Bantwini with the track "Juju". Happy Monday.

I Feel Good Music.

2009-12-11T08:24:00.000-08:00

It's Friday! If the sun ain't shining where you are that don't mean you shouldn't be smiling. You'll be able to handle your business. I feel good today. I feel like that Richard Pryor bit where he just keeps saying, "I feel!...I feel good!...I feel..."
Real quick people. I will be performing at The Lincoln Lodge tonight at 9pm. It's a special showcase for NWE Talent based out of New York and Los Angeles. The line-up is stacked. It's gonna be fun. I'm looking forward to it. If you can come through that would be solid. You can find all the specifics for the show right here.
Hey how about some music to make you feel good music on this Friday right now? Word. This cut here is "Go Getter (Soulflower Mix)" by Matthias 'Matty' Heilbronn and featuring Monique Bingham
on the vocals. This is solo dance party in your house music. This is getting dressed in front of the mirror ready to go out music . This is "Oh she singing about me!" music. This is the kind of song where when you walk down the street your footsteps make the sidewalk light up. It's the kind of song where Morris Day would say, "This song ain't for everybody only the sexy people!" It's the kind of song where if the sun ain't shining you go "No problem. I can handle this". Handle it.

Where I'm From

2009-12-10T08:56:00.000-08:00

Today in Chicago it's cold where I'm from. Today there's not many warm happy people where I'm from. Right now this is how I'm dealing with where I'm from.

Talk To This.

2009-12-09T08:39:00.000-08:00

This is one of the many reasons I love the CHUD website. If you don't know the site check them out. They write about movies, toys, television, etc.. Here in particular is a great revisit to the movie Rocky. Good reading for you to enjoy.

The Jacksons....Are They Your Boys?

2009-12-07T07:38:00.000-08:00

I have been on a Jacksons kick lately. Not a Michael Jackson kick. I've heard practically every Michael song there is. No I'm talking about The Jacksons. I know their hits but like every group there's always a song that comes out of the woodwork that makes me go "Who's this?" Then I put on my Indiana Jones outfit and I'm on the quest for the next great cut. This cut here is one of them. This is "Show You The Way To Go" performed in London circa 1979 on the Destiny Tour. I heard this song as part of the DJ Premier Michael Jackson tribute mix that Premier put out not long after Michael passed. The great thing about the mix is that it's predominantly Jackson 5/Jacksons material with some Michael solo cuts sprinkled throughout. If you can get your hands on that mix it will do you no harm. For now enjoy some of this right here. And hey give it up for the Jacksons for them space outfits. Those outfits are proof once again that every musician during the '70's was from Outta Space.

Good Times & A Good Cause

2009-12-06T17:25:00.000-08:00

Que pasa peoples. I have some fun shows lined up for you this week if you're looking for the good times. First up it's Mikey O.'s 8th Annual Holiday Giggle at Joe's On Weed Street. Comedians come together and perform for local charities. Good Times & A Good Cause. What more you need? Doors open at 6pm and showtime is at 7:30pm. Click on this link for more details.

But wait! There's mas! Every Thursday at 8pm check out "We Don't Need Know Stinkin' Edumucation!" at The Chicago Center for the Performing Arts. This show brings back the Old School, brings in the New School, and shows that it's okay to act like a fool. You bring yourselves and we'll bring the funny. Hoochies as always are always encouraged to attend this show.

Hope I get to see you out and about peoples. You're wonderful. Peace!

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Jay-Z...Is That Your Boy?

2009-12-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

Shaun Carter was born December 4th weighing in at 10 pounds 8oz. He was the last of my four children the only one who didn't give me any pain when I gave birth to him and that's how I knew he that he was a special child.

And so begins the cut "December 4th" by Jay-Z off the hip hop classic The Black Album which I am bumping right now on this very December 4th 2009. Clearly the album title is a nod to The Beatles The White Album and even more clear is the fact that like The White Album has its status as one of the great rock n' roll albums of all time, The Black Album is one of the best hip hop albums of all time.

I came in late on the Jay-Z fandom. When Jay-Z hit the scene I was not interested. I was so stuck in my time of early '90s hip hop like Tribe, De La, and Pharcyde that anything that even threatened the pedestal that I placed those bands on I would look at with a crooked eye. That's a bad habit I had. Too many people tell me to listen something and I immediately look for the problems with it. "Man screw Jay-Z. You like rappers who use Annie samples huh? Must be how you was raised." Finally someone gave me a copy of The Black Album and I wasn't hearing Jimi, I was listening to Jimi.

I didn't go crazy and buy every Jay-Z album. I just couldn't stop listening to The Black Album. I played "Encore" so much I would mime the opening horns in my terrible Miles Davis impression (it's really bad) no matter where I was listening to it, the shower, the club, the train. Any song on that album causes a reaction. You get that Jay-Z swagger when you hear "What More Can I Say", "Dirt Off Your Shoulder", "99 Problems" and the track list goes on and on. I have to mention "My 1st Song". That's how you end an album. That song has Rolling Stones status when it comes to ending an album. Listen to the album Exile On Main St. by the Stones and when you get to the final track "Soul Survivor" you feel like you've taken a musical trip with them. The same goes for "My 1st Song".

Then Jay-Z retired and he lost me again. I thought "Who retires from hip hop?". Policemen retire, boxers retire, Carlitos Brigante retired. Rappers don't retire, they just stop rapping until something else comes along. So I bid my adieu to Jay-Z for awhile yet again. And what does Jay-Z do? He comes out of retirement and drops this on me:

To everyone who was around me when "Show Me What You Got" dropped I apologize for playing it to death...PSYCH! You must be out'cho mind if that song don't get you to moving. Play it at a house party the next time you can and see what the reaction is. Shoulders bouncing and heads bobbing. That's what it do.

Now I'm on the lookout for what Jay-Z is gonna do next. What's he gonna do? How will he follow up that monster cut (Kingdom Come as an album is a'ight but "Show Me What You Got" on its own is ridiggilous.)? He makes the soundtrack to Denzel's American Gangster. Yeah that was the sound of my brain exploding.

"I Know" is the best song on that album. You can make your arguments but you'll be making them to a cardboard cut out of me cause ain't nothing you can say that will convince me.

So what then? Time goes by. Then I get a gift in an email a little while back that said The Blueprint 3. Download here. What did I do? I do what any intelligent music loving person would do, I downloaded it and this comes banging out my speakers:

That's what Jay was talking about and that's what I been talking about ever since. Think back to the exact moment when you first heard that opening beat drop on "What We Talkin' About". What happened? My neck dropped back right away followed by a "Daaaaaaamn!" How many of you got the album? How many times have you sung "Empire State Of Mind" in your own Alicia Keys impression (it's probably better than my Miles Davis impression)? How many of you said Thank You Jay-Z for The Blueprint 3? You should today. It's Jay-Z's birthday. It's December 4th.

Tonight!

2009-12-01T07:53:00.001-08:00

Tonight is my show at the Beat Kitchen. It's Chad Briggs-Wha'What! Joe Fernandez-Look Out! Carrie Callahan-Awww Hell Naw! DJ Sadie Woods-Don't Hurt'em! It's all for you. You should come check it out. We'll laugh. We'll funk. And it will do you no harm. It's Ricky Carmona: UnFunkinLimited.

2Pac...Is That Your Boy?

2009-11-23T20:18:00.000-08:00

"And though I been around clowning with the Underground
I'm still down with my homies from the hometown.
And if you need, need anything at all, I'll drop it all for y'all
If my homies call."
I've never been the biggest 2Pac fan. I never claimed to be. If I had to listen to 2Pac I would definately choose his days with Digital Underground over his Death Row Dr. Dre days. I always found it hard to believe that he went from partying with Humpty Hump to living on Death Row. That's like being a Hobbit and growing up in the Shire and then you move to...fuck it you move to Compton. But I give credit when credit is due and 2Pac deserves credit for one of the best hooks on a 90's hip hop track. "If My Homies Call" is a cut. This is what I consider "Get Out My Way" music. That means if I hear this when you're around me get out my way because I'm gonna tear it up. This track has everything you want in a hip hop song, a hot beat and story telling lyrics to go. When that bass line kicks into that piano breakdown and vice versa well, it can't be faded.

The Skin I'm In.

2009-11-20T10:08:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I wish I was white. Not because of any type of self-loathing but because my Halloween costume choices would make more sense to people. "I'm not homeless. I'm Serpico. I'm Frank Serpico!!!"

People's Sexiest Man Alive & OPRA-Haters

2009-11-20T07:53:00.000-08:00

People magazine revealed their Sexiest Man Alive issue this week and it's Johnny Depp. Apparently they didn't get my photo submission:

Haters. Speaking of haters. Oprah announced that she is ending her show after 2011 and the haters are out celebrating. I don't understand why someone would hate Oprah? What is it that you hate about someone who has a billion dollars, takes their employees (and me!) on paid vacations, and helped elect the country's 1st Black President?
Oh you hate yourself and your job because those are things you can't do? Oh okay. That makes sense. I could've sworn I thought I heard you say you hate Oprah.
Alright let's get away from the hate and spread the love. My boy Kyle Kinane has a site called I'm dead and it's all my fault. You should holler at that cause it's funny. What.

That's it. Got it. I'm gone. But if you wanted to keep kicking it with me follow me on Twitter.

Won't You Come In Out Of The Rain?

2009-11-18T12:28:00.000-08:00

It's a gray rainy day in Chicago. What can take you out of this funk but more funk. This song is fitting for the day and the times. Ladies and Gentlemens, allow myself to bring to the stage Parliament with the Oh Soul Funky "Come In Out Of The Rain".

UnFunkinLimited and Edumucation! 2 Awesome Shows!

2009-11-18T09:19:00.000-08:00

How we doing Beautiful Peoples! I hope all is good with you. I've got 2 really big fun shows coming up in the next few weeks. It'd be great to see you.

Dec. 1st: RICKY CARMONA:UnFunkinLimited: I will be doing a special headlining set at the Beat Kitchen Tuesday Dec. 1st at the Beat Kitchen at 9:30pm. IT'S FREE!!! You can check out the press release for the show here. Some of my favorite comedians are performing and the whole evening is underscored by a live DJ onstage Ms. DJ Sadie Woods. This will be the Good Times.

Nov. 25th: The Return of The ESL Players in "We Don't Need Know Stinkin' Edumucation!": If you missed the sketch show the first time around now is your chance to see it again. Opening night is Wednesday Nov.25th at 8pm at The Chicago Center For The Performing Arts (777 N. Green Street). Opening Night will be a special party. We have from Groove Parlor DJ Mario Romay playing Deep House music before the show. Tickets for the show are $12 and are available at the theater box office.

Thanks. Laugh and Funk. It Will Do You No Harm.

Ricky C.

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Funkadelic...Is That Your Boy?

2009-11-17T16:07:00.000-08:00

George Clinton. Funkadelic. Soul. Funk. Stank. It will do you no harm. What is Soul? The answer is here.

I Wanna Talk About The Blues!!!

2009-11-13T08:27:00.000-08:00

I do not play no Blues. I play....ROCK & ROLL!!!

CHUC 2009 - Halloween Highlights!!

2009-11-12T14:24:00.000-08:00

For those of you who missed the annual CHUC Halloween show including The Randy Watson Sexual Chocolate Tour, the one and only Elizabeth McQuern has put this cool highlight video for you to enjoy. Talk to this!

Hey Have You Seen That New Clash Of The Titans Trailer?

2009-11-11T14:01:00.000-08:00

How we living peoples? Here's the teaser trailer to Clash Of The Titans. I'm actually surprised at how much I was into this trailer. This movie already had two strikes going against it for me. It's a remake, strrrike 1! And the lead is Sam Worthington, strrriii-actually hold off on that. Sam Worthington isn't a bad thing. Honestly I just don't understand his popularity. Where'd he come from? When he was cast in the lead in Terminator 4:Go Hate Yourself I had no idea who he was but part of me felt like I should have. Now he's got Avatar coming up in December and Titans next year. Good for you Sam. Clash of The Titans arrives in theaters on March 26, 2010. Check out the trailer for yourselves. Look closely to see quick glimpses of the cool monster designs, Liam Neeson as Zeus, and absolutely no sign of the original star Harry Hamlin.

SIDE BAR: When I went to Google images to find the poster for Clash Of The Titans it gave me the following as one of the choices:

Google, even when you are wrong you are right.

Stevie Wonder...Is That Your Boy?

2009-11-11T11:59:00.000-08:00

The answer to this question is and will always be Hell Yes. Why? Exhibit A. Stevie tearing it up on Sesame Street. That's right. Sesame Street. Talk to this.

Hey Have You Seen That New Kick Ass Trailer?

2009-11-11T11:22:00.000-08:00

Hey Hey Hey! Here's the trailer for the upcoming "Kick Ass". First off I love the poster above. It reminds me of the poster for Spider Man 2.

Something about the image of a hero looking over a city has always struck a chord with me. That being said it's still hard to trump this Dark Knight poster.

Something about Batman not even looking at the city and burning his symbol in the side of a building proves my theory once again that you're never going to grow up to be normal after your millionaire parents are murdered right in front of you.

But let's keep kicking it with "Kick Ass" shall we. "Kick Ass" is about a group of kids who take it upon themselves to become superheros. You had me at the word "Kick" my beloved film. CHUD wasn't crazy about the trailer. The trailer doesn't exactly knock it out the park but it's a teaser and it accomplishes just that. CHUD says the footage they saw at Comic Con is what's really going to turn people onto this film. We shall see. "Kick Ass" arrives in theaters on April 16, 2010.

You can check out the rest of the "Kick Ass" posters here.

(*This installment has won the award for "Most Appearances By The Words Kick Ass In One Blog". It would like to thank it's Mom and Jesus.)

Ricky Carmona: UnFunkinLimited

2009-11-11T07:12:00.000-08:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Chicago Underground Comedy Presents "Ricky Carmona UnFunkinLimited" Tuesday, Dec. 1, 2009

Chicago, IL, November 2009 -- Chicago Underground Comedy (aka "ChUC") presents "Ricky Carmona UnFunkinLimited," at 9:30 p.m. Tuesday, December 1, 2009, at the Beat Kitchen (2100 W. Belmont, near Damen), in Chicago. The show will be free - no cover charge. The evening will be underscored by a live, professional DJ.

"Ricky Carmona UnFunkinLimited" is the fourth in a series of "Unlimited" shows designed to give ChUC's most powerful performers special extra-long sets. Carmona will headline the show with 45 minutes of his favorite jokes. Opening acts include host Chad Briggs, Joe Fernandez, and Carrie Callahan. Carmona chose his openers because, simply, "they're funny as hell."

Chicago's NewCity Magazine has praised Carmona's "High energy and free-wheeling, fearless delivery," describing him as "one of Chicago's best and brightest locals...unafraid to talk race and politics, he counteracts his edge with his unique style and affability." Last month, Ricky Carmona was named one of the top 20 stand-up comics in Chicago by Los Angeles based website Comedy.com, which claimed “...nobody fixes a bad mood quite like Ricky Carmona.” He was also featured in the award-winning documentary “Habla Mas,” on HBO Latino, (clip here) which chronicled the story of Latinos in Chicago.

The theme of the show, in Carmona's words, is "Good Funkin' Times. If it was up to me I would get a time machine and go back to the Parliament Funkadelic Mothership Connection Tour. I would bring P-Funk back with me and the show would start with P-Funk climbing out of the stage and funk just being smacked in people's faces. It's a party and errrybody is invited."

Carmona is a founding member of Chicago Underground Comedy and has been performing stand-up in Chicago since 2001, gracing the stages at the Lincoln Lodge, Joe's On Weed Street, The Chicago Center For The Performing Arts, Zanies and The Improv. He also currently performs with sketch group The ESL Players, who will kick off their new show "We Don't Need Know Stinkin' Edumucation!" November 25 at The Chicago Center For The Performing Arts.

**The Beat Kitchen is a 21-and-over club, and for this night, the show will be free - no cover charge**

Video of Ricky Carmona can be seen here and here, photos from ChUC can be seen here, and a brief highlight clip is here.

Chicago Underground Comedy is produced by rising stand-up star Dan Telfer, who has opened for Maria Bamford and Paul F. Tompkins at the Lakeshore Theater, and Elizabeth McQuern, who spoke about ChUC on Chicago Public Radio, and was profiled in Time Out Chicago.

Chicago Underground Comedy features today's best and brightest up-and-coming talent as well as returning guests including Chicago comedians who have found showbiz success on the coasts. Recent guests and alum include SNL and Colbert Report-featured Comedy Central and NBC writer Kumail Nanjiani, Letterman writer Kevin McCaffrey, Cloverfield star TJ Miller, John Roy (Craig Ferguson Show, Tonight Show With Jay Leno), John Mulaney (VH1, Comedians of Comedy), and Saturday Night Live writer Hannibal Buress (Craig Ferguson Show).

Media Contact: Elizabeth McQuern, Producer
Chicago Underground Comedy
elizabeth.mcquern@gmail.com

I Twit That Son!!!

2009-11-07T12:28:00.000-08:00

Beautiful peoples! Now I'm on Twitter son. I'm up on that Twitter son! Follow me!

Aaaaand Here We Go....

2009-11-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

What a world-what a world!!! I ain't gonna stop I just contin-yah! I haven't been promoting as much as I could, should, need to so here's some upcoming shows that you need to come out and see. Why? Cause it will do you no harm....it will do you no harm...do you no harm...you no harm.

Nov. 20-21st: Fajitas, Greens, & All in Betweens The line-up includes the amazing Brian Babylon, Joey Villagomez, Lucky Luciano, Marci Deloney, myself, along with poets Iasel and Free.

"Laughter is a universal language. It's a way to break the ice and bring people together. That's what YMCA youth development programs are about, transcending our differences and finding our commonalities....so it's a fun evening for a great cause. We couldn't ask for much more, " said Erskine Cunningham, Vice President of Human Services for the YMCA of Metro Chicago.

Tickets for the shows are $15 and can be purchased here.

Nov. 25th: It's the Opening Night celebration of "We Don't Need Know Stinkin' Edumucation!" After a successful run and due to popular demand The ESL Players have returned! Come out on Opening Night to El Teatro at The Center, 777 N. Green Street and enjoy this special event. Doors open at 7pm. Showtime is 8pm. Come for pre show drinks and house music by Chicago's very own Mario Romay. See the remounted show. Afterwards meet, drink, dance, and kick it with the cast!

Nov. 29th: Tony N' Tina's Wedding meets The Lopez Family: Get Ready! On Nov. 29th at 5pm "Tony n' Tinas Wedding" Goes Latino with Mikey O, Tita Lopez, and The ESL Players. Ticket includes full dinner, dancing to Salsa, Merengue, plus it wouldn't be a Lopez Party without some old school in the mix. Use "Mikey O' for discount when ordering tickets.

Dec. 1st: Ricky Carmona is UnFunkinLimited!!! Funk on over to the Beat Kitchen at 9:30 for another installment of CHUC's UNLIMITED series. I got some of my favorite comedians in the city for a night of some solid Chi-City Funkin' stand up. Hosted by Chad "Allow Me To Do It To Your Earhole" Briggs and featuring Joe "Don't Step On My Funk" Fernandez, Carrie "Can I Kick It" Callahan and I'll be your Headliner for the evening. Don't wipe that funk off yo' face! Did I mention this show is funkin' FREE. Dig it!!!

Halloween 2009 In Chi-City!!!

2009-11-03T10:19:00.000-08:00

You want to know how Chicago comedians handled Halloween in the 2009? Check out this photo recap of all the good times courtesy of Kristy K-Rock! Mangel over at The Apiary. Randy Watson and I hope you all had a safe, fun, funky ass Halloweeen. Sexual Chocolate!

Hey Have You Seen The New Collapse Trailer?

2009-10-26T22:45:00.001-07:00

If you're looking for a really scary movie to see you might want to wait until next weekend instead of this Halloween weekend because that's when "Collapse" is being released. Here's the trailer for it and on first impressions alone this trailer's going to stick with you after you watch it. You really think you're being prepared to watch a movie about a serial killer or some grim police investigaton but instead Collapse is a documentary about the current financial crisis as predicted and explained in the film by Michael Ruppert. The documentary is directed by Chris Smith who directed another great documentary "American Movie". Talk to that if you haven't seen it yet. Go ahead and watch the trailer to one of the most stylized documentaries that I shall soon see. "Collapse" opens in theaters on November 6th, 2009.

Awwww Who Touched My Booty?

2009-10-23T12:35:00.000-07:00

The fine folks over at Comedy.com have put out the list of the top 20 comics in Chicago and I'm on it! Solid! That's very kind of you Comedy.com. Mucho appreciated for all them kind words. May the funk be with you now and forever. If you want to see the other funny peoples who made the list you can check it out here. Big ups to all my friends and comics who made the list. There's a lot of funny folks in Chi-city right now. Go check them out whenever you can. Keep supporting live comedy errrybody. It will do you no harm.

Top 20 Stand-Up Comedians In Chicago

Hey Have You Seen The Still Bill Trailer?

2009-10-23T10:35:00.000-07:00

"When I wake up in the morning love, and the sunlight hurts my eyes.
And something without warning love, bears heavy on my mind.
Then I look at you, and the world's alright with me.
Just one look at you, and I know it's gonna be a Lovely Day."

And so begins one of the greatest love funk R&B songs ever, "Lovely Day" by Bill Withers. Every once in a while I will ask this question,"Hey is Bill Withers still alive?" and the answer I get always seems to be the same, "You know what? I don't know." Well here's the trailer to "Still Bill" which not only shows that Bill Withers is still alive but also looks to explain as to why he is no longer in the spotlight that I and I'm sure many others agree he deserves to be in. Beginning in the '70's through the mid '80's Bill Withers was at the top of his game and then like Keyser Soze, poof! He was gone. I knew of Bill Withers because of the classics "Lean On Me", "Just The Two Of Us", and "Ain't No Sunshine" but the true turning point for me was when I saw the GAP Khaki Soul commercial featuring the Withers cut "Lovely Day". My reaction? Screw the khakis, where do I get that song! Bill Withers baby, Bill Withers.
Keep digging in the Bill Withers collection and you are going to find some other great cuts. "When I'm Kissing My Love", "Grandma's Hands", "Who Is He (And What Is He To You?", and the list goes on and on. And if you haven't heard the album Bill Withers: Live At Carnegie Hall do yourself and favor and talk to that. There's an 8 minute version of "Use Me" that makes you wish you was getting used. Mmmmm!
I'm really intrigued by this trailer. It looks like it really shows a man who is satisfied with what he's done in the past and the conflict is now whether he can find it within himself to do it again in the future. That kind of thought process I believe really adds to the mystique of Bill Withers. Even for all of the success that has been mentioned about him he's always been on the outside circle of what is considered R&B and from his own words in this trailer he seems okay with that. I look forward to hearing what else Bill Withers and others have to say about him. Unfortunately "Still Bill" doesn't have a theatrical release date listed but you can check out the movie's website to find or set up a screening near you.

Still Bill:

GAP Khaki Soul Commercial:

Hey Have You Seen That New Tooth Fairy Trailer?

2009-10-20T16:37:00.001-07:00

Keeping in line with the October scary trailers, here's the trailer to the scariest, most unbelievable f@ckin' movie you'll see all year, "The Tooth Fairy". Dwayne (Still The Rock) Johnson stars as the Tooth Fairy, a winged freakish monster who terrorizes the homes of parents to exact, or extract his revenge in a bloody rage by ripping childrens teeth out of their mouth with his bare claws. Ashley Judd plays the heroic angst ridden mother who trys to save her child from the fairy who isn't feeling so sprite anymore. Stephen Merchant co-stars as the British guy.
Okay. That's not what this movie is about BUT wouldn't you want to watch that instead! And seriously, what is Stephen Merchant doing in this movie?

A Review of Where The Wild Things Are!

2009-10-12T10:50:00.000-07:00

CHUD has posted their review of "Where The Wild Things Are". I'm staying away from reviews on this one because I want to go in with as much of an open mind as possible but I'm sure some of you may be interested. My gut tells me this one is going to knock it out of the park. The first line in the CHUD review only confirms it. "Where The Wild Things Are" opens this Friday and I will be where the wild things are.

Hey Have You Seen The Where The Wild Things Are Trailer?

Another Reason To Be Where The Wild Things Are

Groove Parlor...Is That Your Boy?

2009-10-12T08:35:00.001-07:00

The House Music Movement continues strong in Chicago. One of the people at the front of the movement is Groove Parlor founder Mario Romay. Groove Parlor has been making its musical mark spreading House music across the country and overseas all in the name of Chicago. Check out this interview by the UK Legend Colin Curtis with Mario Romay where he discusses Groove Parlor's beginings as well as his love for house music past and present. For those of you who have been looking for deep, soulful, house music in Chicago, Groove Parlor is the place to get it. Take some time to visit the site where you can hear mixes by Mario Romay as well as Andy Compton, DJ FLX, Mark Grant, Vick Lavender, Glenn Underground and a whole bunch of other solid DJ's. Don't sleep on this people. It will do you no harm. Groove Parlor...that's our boy.

Talk to these:

Groove Parlor
Colin Curtis Connection: Mario Romay Groove Parlor Interview

Hey Have You Seen The New The Crazies Trailer?

2009-10-08T10:43:00.001-07:00

Hey beautiful peoples. Here's the trailer for "The Crazies". Let me know if you have the same reaction after watching this trailer as I did which was, "Did I just watch the whole movie?" I liked what I saw but hey Crazies, slow down. It's only our first date. Without giving away as much as the trailer does "The Crazies" is set in a small town where if I may qoute the great lyricist B Real, people start going "insane in the membrane". If you're thinking that this is sounding like 28 Days Later trust your instincts because the trailer does have hints of that in it. But then it doesn't stop showing you how far the disease takes its victims in the movie so what felt like it could have been a good surprise in the film is just put right there in the trailer. This is a remake based on George Romero's 1973 original. Now have you seen that trailer? Wow. Check that out. I'm giving that one an A+ based on the voiceover itself, "A lethal terror snowballs into hell!". That's a tagline right there. "The Crazies" arrives in theaters on February 26th, 2010.

Hey Have You Seen That New House Of The Devil Trailer?

2009-10-05T22:16:00.000-07:00

The Halloween horror trailers continue. Here's the trailer to "The House Of The Devil". First of all, I love the poster for this movie. Call it classic, call it a throwback, I call it the hotness. It has style all over it without going overboard (Saw 1 through whatever number you're on I'm talking about you). The trailer follows the same formula. "The House Of The Devil" takes place in the 1980's and it looks like it could have been filmed back then as well. It's the story of Sam, a college student who is in need of some money and agrees to babysit a couple's child for one night. Problem is she shows up to the couple's house only to be told that there is no baby but they still want her to spend the night. Now if I show up to a house in the woods and Tom Noonan (who's Tom Noonan? Check this.) answers the door and tells me he ain't got no baby but he wants me to spend the night anyway-Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. I'm jumping out the closest window and it doesn't matter what floor I'm on. Sam, however, decides to take them up on it because she really needs the money and well......the movie's called "The House Of The Devil" for a reason so it's safe to say they don't sit around and force Sam to watch Music & Lyrics. "House Of The Devil" arrives in theaters on October 30, 2009.

If you're looking for a fun read as well check out this great book "Film Posters Horror"