I Feel Pretty.

I have to keep reminding myself I am not Denzel Washington. Whoops. Got ahead of myself there. What I meant was I need to stop comparing my life to the successes of celebrities. The other day I thought to myself:

Denzel (we are on a first name basis) won his first Oscar when he was 35. You'll be 35 soon Ricky. What’s wrong with you?
Well nothing’s wrong with me Mr. Carmona (I am not on a first name basis with myself). I work in a mailroom. Denzel is a brilliant film, stage, and television actor.
Oh yeah that’s right. Well you better get on that.
Acting classes?
No. Being brilliant.

Like the ride on the CTA isn’t awful enough in the morning I have to be having that conversation with myself. Side note on the CTA, can we do something to make the train rides in the CTA more enjoyable or optimistic? We are a sad looking group of people on the train. I swear there’s a sign above the Logan Square Blue Line stop that says “The CTA: For When You Want To Start Hating Yourself Before You Get To Work”. I try and smile at people in the morning. I learned this lesson. Nobody likes to be smiled at. At 8am smiling on a train is still considered “creepy”.
So what do I do? I do what I always do, I turn my headphones up as loud as I want and I just start feeling the music. Jill Scott’s “Golden” is playing and you would think I’m a woman who’s heart’s been broken one too many times and I ain’t gonna take it no mo’. Lately I’ve been playing a version of “Don’t Leave Me This Way” by Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes. People that shit has been takin’ me to Chu’rch!!! I’ve caught the Holy Ghost between Clark/Lake & Washington for the last week. Foot stomping, fist in the air, chest clutching, wiping my brow from Holy sweat Holy Ghost action.
Maybe that’s it. It’s all about one word: Happiness. Don’t question yourself so much. If a Black man can be President why couldn’t I be a ninja? Well at least I still got the suit! I don’t need to be Denzel brilliant. I don’t need to worry about why people are so angry at life on the train. Turn your headphones up, clutch your chest, smile who you want to smile at. Be happy.