DOG DAY AFTERNOON

Here’s the first in what will be a series of adventures, journeys, or just plain strolls that I take with my dog J.B. There's several ways to summarize the relationship between J.B. and I. I'd like to say we're like Tango & Cash. She'd say more Della Reese & Redd Foxx circa Harlem Nights. She’s right. Here’s a quick recap of a Sunday afternoon with my dog J.B.


“Well today was a fucking day.”

That’s what my dog J.B. just said to me. We’d decided to venture out on Logan Boulevard and enjoy some fresh air and as she likes to say, “Walk amongst the people”. I’m not gonna deny her that. Walk the earth. Get our faces right. That’s what we do.

“Why do all the kids in this neighborhood look all moody and shit?”

I don’t know J.B. They’re hipsters. It’s what they do. Why do dogs always look at each other like they recognize each other from somewhere?

“You got me there.”

We walked by a sign in front of a church that said Dog Friendly Mass. Dog friendly mass? You’d think that in the age of instant photography and people always being at the camera ready position that I would’ve taken a picture of it more so as evidence than to have as a memory but instead I just looked at J.B. She took off her sunglasses, brushed some dirt off her shoulder, and with her tail a-wagging said “I wanna talk to the Lord!” In we go.

Hey you know who brings their dog to a mass? Fucking nobody. J.B. was the only one in there and of course she loved it. I felt silly being in there with her and she wasn’t making it any easier. Every time the priest said “God” J.B. would yell, “That’s dog backwards son!” She was full of questions.

“They serve food here?”

“Holy shit. Can I take a holy shit here?”

“Did you see the sign that said Rev. Cleophus Jones is having a service here next week?”

Time went by and J.B. was getting restless.

"Nobody's catching the Holy Ghost! There's no wine in this water bowl!! Snoop Dogg wouldn't step in this chuuu'ch!"

The priest handling the service keeps asking, “Can I get an amen? “ J.B. keeps yelling back “Can I get a wha’ what!” Alright we’re outta here. Outside of a 12 year old who couldn’t stop laughing everyone else’s look said “You actually brought a dog to the dog friendly mass?” Holy shit.

*J.B. thinks this blog would work better if it were titled My Bitch and Me. I’ll let you guess who she thought the bitch is.