What We Talkin' About: May 2010

LOST Is Questioned.

Somehow people have put it in their heads that if you tell them you saw the LOST finale that's an open invitation for them to then tell you:

A) They loved it.
B) They hated it.
C) No Ricky I didn't dress up as Kate to watch it.

Now say what you will about the episode, dressing up as Kate ranks right up there when I dressed up as Kirstie Alley for the final episode of Cheers. And I had the outfit first Evangeline.

Looking back, I think about the finale of LOST the same way I think about sex, "It's over now. Let's move on. Why can't I stop crying?" It's no coincidence that the last thought is a question. LOST was about questions. Some were answered. Others were not. Here's a pretty solid list of questions that were not answered as asked by College Humor's Jeff Rubin.

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For Us Fu@&in' Dorks Who Love LOST

Tonight is the final episode of LOST. Here's an exclusive look with Sarah Silverman.

Have You Talked To That New LCD Soundsystem?

Here's two reasons why you should pick up LCD Soundsystem's new album This Is Happening.

Reason #1:

Reason Numero Dos:

Simple enough right? Go talk to that. It will do you no harm.

Brilliant Idea #482 - The Stevie Wonderbot

I wanna build a robot for Stevie Wonder. The Wonderbot. The Stevie Wonder Wonderbot. It’ll look like Stevie Wonder. It’ll sound like Stevie Wonder. But it’ll fucking kill you.

It’ll have accessories. I’m gonna build it a pair of robotic Stevie Wonder glasses that can be taken off. But when The Stevie Wonder Wonderbot takes them off they’ll be another pair of Stevie Wonder Wonderbot Robot Glasses that shoot fucking lasers at you.

The Stevie Wonder Wonderbot will be sold in children’s department stores across the country. Be sure not to say the following words around The Stevie Wonder Wonderbot or it will fucking kill you:

Amour, Cherie, The, Grammy, Living, Signed, Superstition, Boogie, Sealed, Reggae, Delivered, City, Woman, Blind Motherfucker, Don‘t, Love, R&B, Kill, As, I, and Wish.

Brilliant Idea #263 - The "Taste's Like Candy" Edition.

And this commercial goes a little something like this. And it's to be imagined in black and white until instructed otherwise.

Interior kitchen.

MOM is taking lunch off of the kitchen table from her SON.

SON: Mommy!

MOM: Yes Jethro?

SON: I want some candy for dessert!

MOM: You got it Jethro.

In an explosion of color onscreen MOM turns around and reveals:

And then wiith the stroke of genius that was born of The Velvet Underground's "Walk On The Wild Side" the actual fucking never imitated never duplicated well sung about colored girls appear in a row next to MOM wearing purple sequin dresses and sunglasses and sing :

SINGERS: They taste great in ya mouf!

SON holds up:

SON: That's where these are going!

MOM: That's where they belong Jethro. I can't wait for your father to come home so he can have some of my Big Nuts.

JETHRO: I can’t wait for their new "Extra Hairy Flavor".

MOM and JETHRO smile with Big Nuts in their mouths and hands.

Then your television explodes in your living room in a drowning flash of Pulp Fiction briefcase golden light and you can't tell what the hell just happened until you look down and see a bag of cotton candy on your table called Pink Titties.

And that's how you sell sweets motherfuckers.